

well i just canceled a credit card. that felt good. it was surprisingly easy over the phone; i'd expected more of a fight. okay then ... one down.
we do head up to seattle today. the weather looks good so far. we're not in a big rush. probably after lunch we'll take the dogs to the kennel and then we'll drive north. the ethiopian restaurant is in the capital hill area so once we're checked into the hotel we'll head up there. do the capital hill thing. which is good because the last few times in seattle we stayed downdown and in pioneer square.
the hospitals are in first hill, near capital hill, and it is a dream for us to land jobs there, at swedish or harborview, and move back up there.
and be among people who read! and think!
kara says she's snobby too, the same way i am. one of my favorite characters on "the west wing," josh, was called an elitist (probably not an irregular occurrence) and his response was something like, "sure i'm an elitist, but i have respect for those who don't measure up." this was season 2 or 3 maybe. i liked that bit.
i was also thinking yesterday, as i have before, about how different i am with kara than with just about anyone else. most people know me as a very quiet person. i don't know what else they think of me. i don't talk much; i don't tend to initiate conversation. quiet people can come off as snobby or as mysterious and i don't know if i fall into one of those categories. i'm not social at work. i feel i don't have anything to say. my thoughts don't seem relevant to the vibe of the place.
i'd like to be more social, ideally, but the conversations i tangentially participate in around the break room table don't tend to spark anything in me. i do not feel prompted to respond. i feel like saying, as one of meg ryan's characters often said in "joe versus the volcano," "i have no response to that."
they don't know who david sedaris, jon stewart, john sayles, ira glass, terry gross, whit stilman, or nicola griffith are. (incidentally yesterday i started reading "observatory mansions" by edward carey and so far it's pretty good. kara read it a few years ago and has been recommending it.)
as i say, i'm different with kara. i feel different, relaxed, more like me. actually like me. i'm talkative, silly, stupid, spontaneous, goofy. i have more fun. i feel like i'm fun (sometimes). obviously it's a comfort level issue. it has always taken me a long time to get comfortable with new people, and i certainly have to like the person, feel a kinship. i don't have that kinship sense with the women at work, or with carl. i'm not comfortable or relaxed; i don't feel safe letting me out.
obviously i haven't tried chatting with every single one of my colleagues. there may well be some i would enjoy spending time with. but it's not an overly social job, which is actually part of its charm for me. i sit at a desk, in a cubicle, before a computer, with headphones on, surrounded by medical reference books. it's rather a sweet situation for someone of my mindset.
i felt the same sort of distance in high school. the general thought that everyone else was interested in things that weren't interesting to me. there was a bit less of that in college. living in chapel hill with my cousin ian, spending time with christa, i felt better. i was probably quiet around christa, but i was pretty comfortable. living in seattle with mark was very good. and of course being with kara now is excellent. it's just everyone else. everyone else, so far.
anyway. moving on. something totally else. a preposition thing. a doctor on a recent emergency report said as the patient's chief complaint, "the patient is a 2-year-old female here for a sexual assault." my initial response, of course, was "i didn't know they offered sexual assaults in the emergency room." (next thought, "how much are they?")
is this indicative of anything? that i think about things like prepositions? i imagine 90% of my colleagues wouldn't think anything was off in that sentence, because i see it in report after report. maybe this is the standard way medical folks say things, but could you not substitute "because of" (or even "status post" if you wanted to maintain a clinical vibe) for "for"? most doctors have said these same phrases over and over and they don't even listen to what they're saying any more. they don't give thought to the meaning of the words.
anyway. i don't have to think about work now. i don't have to go back there until monday. we're stashing the dogs and going to seattle today, seeing ira and julia tomorrow, and coming back sunday. a weekend in seattle.