post cath

i was witness to 3 cardiac catheterization procedures today, 2 on middle-aged men and 1 on a young girl. it was busy in the cath lab; there was a lot going on, procedure after procedure after procedure. the first one i saw took about 40 minutes and the 2nd took about 3 hours. i was quite squeamish initially, until the first arc of pulsatile blood through the seldinger needle in the man's groin, but after that i was fine. there's something about blood, though, working around it, in its vicinity, that is somehow appealing to me. the wetness, the way it stains the blue cloth draping the patient's thigh. the vitality. i don't think i want to be an invasive cardiovascular technician (or at least i don't want to go to school for it), but there's something about blood.

it was also interesting how separate from the cases the patients themselves were. they were unconscious, their faces mostly hidden from me. of course, i spent most of the time in the monitoring room, watching via fluoroscopy the catheters and wires, the occasional bloom of contrast dye revealing an array of coronary arteries. though i did meet 1 of the men prior to his procedure and i saw the girl, crying, before she was given anesthesia. but after they were under, the procedure didn't seem to be about them any more. it was about the catheters, the wires, the engagement of arteries, the occlusions, the anatomy, the deployment of stents. there was an immediate clinical distance, which disturbed me a little bit.

part of me, i think, is going to miss the blood.

seen it

i've been a poor blogger of late. it's been 12 days since my last post. perhaps there hasn't been any significant news. what have i been up to lately? transcribing medial reports, editing and correcting medical reports, reading mary gaitskill stories, listening to rufus, strolling through the dog park with kara and the beasts, watching horror movies on the tivo. same old, what what?

this week i watched not only saw but also saw 2 (on commercial television, hence probably heavily edited for content), so i'm rather proud of myself. i'd tried to watch saw on 2 previous occasions, unsuccessfully. now i'm ready, i believe, for saw 3, especially as i'm cultivating a crush on shawnee smith. but i'll probably have to wait until it's on commercial tv for me to be able to hack it. pun intended.

other news? dagmar and steve like figs. they like to pull them from the branches of the tree in our backyard. they tugged so hard on one branch today or yesterday that it broke, partially, bent sharply more like, stretching and pinning a probably-important electric cable that runs between our house and the house behind us. so this weekend, actually probably tomorrow afternoon after work, out will come my trusty reciprocating saw (it's a theme this week, i guess) and we'll do a touch of necessary pruning.

eliot's getting bathed and shaved tomorrow too. i think he'll be cheerier afterwards. he's a bit matty and skanky. and it's kinda hot around here.

oh! kara & i & some friends are going to see tacoma roller derby girls this saturday evening. that should be fun. monster chicks on skates, bashing one another about. and the day before that, 2 days from today, i'm going to watch probably at least 1 cardiac catheterization procedure at the hospital. maybe more than 1; i don't know how long such procedures take. i'm a little nervous about this, as expected, but somewhat braced now that the first 2 saw films are under my belt, as it were. if i can deal with the horrors of saw, perhaps i can watch a needle being pushed into someone's femoral artery under sterile conditions.

work, body

yesterday i started reading this book - body of work - and it's totally kicking my ass. in a very good way. it's the perfect book for me right now. (i nearly started reading the known world by edward p jones - maybe i'll read that next - but i'm rather glad i made this choice instead.) meditations on mortality from the human anatomy lab. it's a memoir by a 1st-year medical student-slash-poet, and it's structured by an account of her first dissection of a cadaver. as i say, i only started it yesterday, but it's already a grueling read. it's exhausting. there's so much in it. this woman can write like hell and i'm loving the way she describes the body she's opening up and exploring, and it's amazing.

at the moment i'm on chapter 3 and she's just opened the thoracic cavity and removed the lungs. the heart comes next. she talks about the act of cutting, the functions of the organs, and her own reflections on all of this. it's hard to read much of it at any given sitting, but it's fascinating to me.

overall, lately i've been feeling pretty good. i'm feeling less ambitious regarding my job, looking forward to working from home all the time. and i feel fine about that. and i'm looking forward to watching the cath procedure in 2 weeks. and reading this book also makes me feel better about my work, putting it in a contex, perhaps. i'd still like to watch other procedures, including an autopsy, but i don't know if or when that will be possible. but this book is so good, i'm already feeling almost fulfilled in that regard.

and it's sunny and in the 70s. and the 6th ave art walk is the day after tomorrow.

cath lab

on friday the 25th - 17 days from now - i'm going to do a job shadow in tacoma general's cardiac catheterization laboratory. it's only going to be for 4 hours, but i hope to get to watch at least 1 procedure. i'll be highly anxious about it - needles, blood - as the day draws nearer, but right now i'm quite excited. what a thrill!

if this goes well, i might investigate the possibility of watching other surgical procedures, from knee or shoulder arthroscopies to laparascopic cholecystectomies or appendectomies to carpal tunnel releases to open cholecystectomies or appendectomies to lumbar or cervical disk fusions to craniotomies to hip replacements to cesarean sections! my head's spinning.

is being a curious transcriptionist an adequate reason to spend this kind of quality time in an operating theater? it wouldn't surprise me if it isn't, but i shall attempt to find out, unless the cath experience makes me hurl.

oh - and i'm up this early because yellow was scratching at the back door and being annoying. then i couldn't get back to sleep. eh, i got up only 2 hours earlier than i needed to. not so bad, in the scheme of things. yawn.

pulp

i'm in a pulpy stage, i guess, reading-wise. there's nothing wrong with that. i just read this book in the last few days, and now i've started a lawrence block.

a few nights ago i had a dream that woke me in the middle of the night and compelled me to get up and scribble a few notes. it's possible that it could make a good story, but who knows? i've written a few paragraphs, but most of this past weekend was spent readying the house for the onslaught of the merry maids. and, unfortunately, i'm working in the office 3 days this week - today, tomorrow, and wednesday.

how i'm looking forward to working from home full-time! it will mean more time for writing and for exercise - that's what i'm telling myself now, at least. but still. what with all the flux the transcription department is currently in - the recent departure of our qa manager and the new voice-recognition software company we just signed a contract with (with a tentative go-live date in september) - i don't know when i'm going to be able to get out of these (supposedly temporary) qa duties and spend all my time at home. i just have to be patient, i suppose.

4th

so it's the 4th of july and we're all very happy about that. kara's just gone to her boss's house to do some filing (he's been in hawaii for a week and a half or so) and after she's back we'll both do some cleaning of our own house. kara got me a gift certificate for a professional housecleaning service for my birthday, but of course we have to make the place presentable before we can allow them to come over.

we're also trying a little experiment today. i've taken the baby/dog gates down, giving the dogs free reign of the house, including of course the upstairs, normally the cats' haven. we want all 4 animals to get along or at least not be terrified of each other all the time, and this is a step we're taking. we'll see how it goes.

i finished another charles bukowski book this morning. i don't know if i liked it. it was terrifically sexually graphic but not in the least erotic. but there were some good moments in the book, in which the character sort of philosophized about his chosen way of life. still, i don't know that i'd recommend the book.

meanwhile, my parents, sister, and brother-in-law are headed for star island this weekend. one day kara and i will make it there. one day.

and we're hoping dagmar and steve won't have adverse reactions to fireworks, as max most certainly did. poor old max.

old picture

some of what i'm talking about with my therapist (whom i'm only going to see every other week, for a while) involves my memory, how little i remember of my childhood, most of the years prior to high school. or maybe i just don't have a lot of information about those years? dad once said i don't remember my childhood because it was boring.

but it's not just my childhood i don't remember. i was trying to remember the name of the psychiatrist in seattle who prescribed me all those drugs about 8 years ago, when i was having panic attacks - dr lee? dr wu? - i remember the prozac and zoloft but it took kara to remind me that i was also, for a short time, on an antipsychotic. holy crap!

i remember movies and actors rather well - and my therapist said, well, those things are high-interest for you - but events of my own life? there are large patches that seem to be gone. and my own life, one might imagine, should be of interest to me.

my mom is the baby in this photo. but i had to ask her to identify for me several of the other people here.