bye rumble fish

we lost rumble last night. when i came upstairs this morning to use the computer, she was on the floor, lying by my chair. she was where my feet would be, were i sitting there working. she was dead.

there was no warning; she seemed fine yesterday. she'd always been a fairly subdued cat. she was a big girl, and i'm guessing it was heart failure. something like that. she was about 7.

i had rescued her and yellow from the shelter within a week of moving to seattle in the summer of 1999. at the moment, yellow seems okay. he's not all broken up or anything. i don't know if cats register these kinds of things. these losses.

we took her to the vet to have her cremated. i actually didn't cry until i handed her over, wrapped in a pillowcase, to the tech. the vet said that because rumble was lying in the middle of the floor, and not all curled up or hiding in some corner, it seems that death came suddenly and quickly. that's a good thing.

i was trying to give her a good life. i hope i did. i hope i gave her a good life.

eliot is still here. we had him shaved again yesterday and i think he feels good. max is still here, in defiance of the odds. the vet said that when we called, she'd assumed we were calling about him. and sagan is still here, though she has developed a severe limp. i think her right rear hip is bothering her. arthritis? while at the vet we made an appointment for early in the week. we can't afford another surgery for her but maybe we'll put her on some kind of medication.

but rumble is gone. we called her rumble fish. i named her rumble because she purred real loud, and she gained great girth and took to rumbling around the house; she sounded like a person when she came down the stairs. she still purred, though, when we petted her or when max played with her. she and max got along real well.

at the moment i feel calm about things. it'll probably hit me again tomorrow when she's not sitting on the pillow by the computer here, scratching at my pant leg to give her attention.

bye rumble fish. i love you.