this struck me

... when i read it this morning on page 156 of bare by elisabeth eaves (seal press, 2002, 2004, isbn 1-58005-121-9):

... Brian was not your usual customer. The most obvious difference between him and his peers was that he kept his hands either planted in his pockets or visible on the windowsill while watching the show. He was an admirer, and that's all he was. He preferred to think of his visits in sensual rather than sexual terms. He wanted to stare at women, but he saw himself as a nice guy, which meant he couldn't just ogle strangers on the street. So he went where he could gaze guilt-free. At the Lusty he could stare without invading personal space or causing offense - quite the reverse, they would be offended if he didn't look at them! He smiled and stared, stared and smiled, hands often on the edge of the window to display his innocence. They got paid, and he was sure that at least some of them, some of the time, had fun, too. It was a win-win situation. His strange behavior stood out, and the women started calling him "Nice Guy Bri." It came to the point where several of them even spoke to him, offering little bits of small talk and flirtation through the glass.

... is he fooling himself? and would i be fooling myself if i thought of myself in nearly precisely the same way when i visited such illicit places? tell the truth.